Foster (care…?)
Growing up, I saw firsthand how terrified people were of foster care. It wasn’t just some vague fear—it was real, visceral, and deeply rooted in lived experiences. Kids talked about it like it was a punishment worse than the situation they were already in. And for many, it was. Especially for siblings, the system becomes even more traumatic. Nine times out of ten, they’re ripped apart and sent to different homes. It’s not just disruptive—it’s emotionally devastating. Foster care, for far too many, is not a safety net. It’s a conveyor belt of trauma.
The reality is that entering foster care is often just the beginning of a much deeper kind of suffering. Being placed with strangers, losing family, switching schools repeatedly, and being treated like a case file instead of a human being—this is the horrifying process that defines foster care for thousands of children. And the long-term damage is real. One deeply disturbing statistic shows that 52% of homicide cases involved individuals who had prior contact with child protective services. That’s not just a coincidence—it’s a symptom of a system that fails to protect and nurture its most vulnerable.
And yet, even in this broken system, there are flickers of hope. I’ve seen a small community of foster parents who treat these children as if they were their own. When a child is dropped off at midnight, they already have a bed made, a nightlight on, and someone waiting to hold space for them. These moments are rare, but they prove that it can be done right. They show what foster care should look like. The tragedy is that these kinds of homes are the exception, not the rule.
Most foster homes are overburdened, under-trained, and under-supported. Social workers are stretched so thin they can barely keep up. Case after case is mismanaged, overlooked, or rushed through. And when you're dealing with children—kids who’ve already been through hell—this kind of systemic neglect is unforgivable. These children need stability, love, therapy, community, and time. Instead, they're shuffled from home to home, told to adjust, and then blamed when they act out from trauma that no one is helping them process.
And let’s not ignore the systemic racism baked into the system. Black, Indigenous, and other children of color are disproportionately represented and often treated more harshly. Families in poverty are targeted for removal instead of offered support. Foster care is supposed to be the last resort, but it’s often used as the first response to hardship in marginalized communities.
The sad truth is this: the U.S. foster care system is not just flawed—it’s failing. It doesn’t just need tweaks or surface-level reforms. It needs a complete overhaul. That means investing in family preservation programs, supporting kinship care, training trauma-informed foster parents, and radically reimagining how we approach child welfare. Kids shouldn’t have to hope for a miracle foster parent. They should be able to trust that the system will protect them, care for them, and help them heal.
Until then, we need to stop pretending the foster care system is working. Because for the majority of children it touches, it’s not. It’s terrifying. It’s traumatic. And it’s absolutely trash.
The boxes or bags of clothes you have been meaning to take to goodwill for 4 months, Maybe reach out to your local non-profits on how you can help. Maybe there is a little girl wanting those shoes you haven’t even laid eyes on for three years.
